I elected to take the Polygraph Test
14th March 2011
After writing the first two titles in my ‘Whispers’ Trilogy, I foolishly thought my abuser would stand tall and once again call me a liar, resulting in him taking me to court for slander. I am a great believer in British justice and knew he would crumble in a Court of Law. The truth has a way of coming out always sitting on simmer waiting for the pot to boil.
I looked into the polygraph test (the lie detector test) and wondered if it could be trusted to speak the truth. I researched it and read a piece about sex offenders being polygraphed to see the likelihood of them re-offending when released back into society. If this was good enough for the Government then it was good enough to speak the truth for me.
I had been trying for many years to convince others that I was the victim and survivor of serious abuse. Because my allegations were never believed over so many years, I did not get the help and counselling most abused people receive to help them through there darkest hours.
Being believed is so very important to any survivor of childhood abuse taking precedence over the abuser being punished. My alleged abuser has mocked me and laughed in my face and even my own family have tormented me and threatened me because of it.
My polygraph exam took 5 hours due to my having to disclose a particular act of sexual abuse. I was very frightened having to talk about such personal detail to a stranger. I had never disclosed to another living soul what I told the examiner that day. The graphic details needed for specific questions ascertaining to my sexual abuse were hard to speak about. My husband was about to listen to a detailed assault on my body as a young child for the first time.
But I was determined for the truth to be heard by others so I sat in the chair wired up to a machine that whirled my answers and would be able to tell if I had indeed lied or was lying.
Was I emotional? Yes!!
Did I worry the results would not come out in my favour? Yes I did!
Was it hard to undergo the Polygraph? Yes, it was possibly the hardest thing I have ever done due to the graphic nature of questions asked.
I sat with my husband in an office and waited for the results. It was hard facing him again after the earlier revelations. I was scared he would look at me differently, but I was wrong on all counts. To my husband, and thankfully millions of others – ABUSE, is a word with guessed images? But to a victim – it is an appalling sequence of pictures and emotions played back like a video on rewind.
My husband had just had a glimpse into the atrocities I survived from a sexual predator who thought it was okay to hunt me down and do as he pleased.
The Polygrapher returned to the room accompanied by his wife and passed me a piece of paper that told all in the room I was a none deceptive - a truthful person. The whole experience was horrific but so worth it.