The house seems full today many meals have been eaten many words spoken
But not to me.
It’s my fifth birthday are we gathered for this all my family and friends have joined together to celebrate some thing
I might as well be invisible they talk among themselves.
But not to me,
Every one has left wishing well to the family kissing and hugging each other so much warmth and concern.
But not to me.
Mary sits chewing her nails glaring at the TV.
I sit and watch mesmerised by her lack of expression and no movement of eye.
Mother shouts for her to turn the volume down informing all dinner will be ready in an hour.
But not to me.
Johnny runs into the room and takes a flying leap onto the sofa I jump with him father calls for him to stop,
But not to me.
Bono runs into the lounge chasing his ball knocking over the table he stops and stares at me, making a whimpered exit he runs from me.
I am thankful he responds I am beginning to think no one cares mother shouts for all to join her in the dinning room, every one scrambles to the table including me all have their places set I run around the table twice searching my little space, mother instructs every one to sit.
But not to me.
I stand against the wall trying to find answers and watch as they start to eat, mother toys gently with her food Father pushes his plate away and cupping his face in his hands, mother rushes to his side through the sobs he says how sorry he is, addressing the whole family and apologises to all.
But not to me.
Mother reaches for the family photo standing on the fire mantle caressing her fingers gently over the picture and in a soft voice she whispers to father
“You are not to blame it was an accident” I lean over her shoulder to glimpse the picture that shows a happy close family. Her tears fall on the glass frame I wrap my arms around her and I love her scented smell she speaks again to father
But not to me.
Grandma and Grandpa walk into the room hand in hand they jester for me to join them they speak only to me, I am sad to leave my home my family I want to tell father he was not to blame the car skidded, the fire not his fault, he tried all he could getting to every one in time.
But not to me.
I am at peace happy to be able to see them all one last time Mother and Father are talking about me.
But….not to me!
S.W © 2003
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